Royalty » 2010

IE 8 en privacy

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31 May 2010 in RoyalMobile

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American Woman

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28 May 2010 in Entertainment

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Advocaten

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21 May 2010 in Humor

Leuk voor de Pinksteren, met dank aan Maikel:

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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Met Cohen naar Griekenland

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19 May 2010 in Financial, Financieel

“Met Job de Verlosser komt u in Athene aan. Daar zal hij jullie, terwijl hij een failliete boel bij elkaar houdt, uitzwaaien. Ik wilde altijd Athene bezoeken, maar niet met Job de Verlosser als reisgids. U wel?”

Zo concludeert hoogleraar Afshin Ellian in een messcherpe column over draaien, schuiven en populisme.

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Palm WebOS in HP printers

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19 May 2010 in Financial, Financieel

HP kondigde gisteren aan WebOS te gaan inzetten op een eigen telefoon, een tablet, een aantal netbooks en – inderdaad – printers. Volgens een topman hebben printers meer en meer een directe verbinding met internet en daarom een echt besturingssyteem nodig. WebOS zou daarvoor ideaal kunnen zijn. HP hoopt dit jaar al iets te laten zien met WebOS, maar verwacht nog geen printers te kunnen presenteren.

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Nu nog een spellingschecker

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18 May 2010 in Communicatie

sony

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Da’s Nederland

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15 May 2010 in Alleen op de wereld

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Larry ‘ik ben God’ E. over Jonathan Schwarz & SUN management

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14 May 2010 in Financial

Their management made some very bad decisions that damaged their business and allowed us to buy them for a bargain price

…

Ellison says he learned that Sun’s pony-tailed chief executive, Jonathan Schwartz, ignored problems as they escalated, made poor strategic decisions and spent too much time working on his blog, which Sun translated into 11 languages.

…

Over ‘Rock’, de opvolger van ‘Sparc’:

This processor had two incredible virtues: It was incredibly slow and it consumed vast amounts of energy. It was so hot that they had to put about 12 inches of cooling fans on top of it to cool the processor,” said Ellison. “It was just madness to continue that project.”

…

When Ellison started scrutinizing Sun, he says he found plenty wrong: lots of waste among the billions of dollars that had gone into R&D in recent years. The hardware maker had cut back the sales staff that sold its most profitable products, including its business computers and storage equipment, causing sales and earnings to decline. It operated an antiquated manufacturing and distribution system. It regularly sold hardware and software at a loss, sometimes losing more than $1 million on a single deal.

…

“The underlying engineering teams are so good, but the direction they got was so astonishingly bad that even they couldn’t succeed,” said Ellison. “Really great blogs do not take the place of great microprocessors. Great blogs do not replace great software. Lots and lots of blogs does not replace lots and lots of sales.”

…

Het hele artikel (via Reuters) bij ABC.

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Van Nistelrooij nog niet mee naar Zuid-Afrika

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14 May 2010 in Communicatie

De trainer is wat mij betreft gek, maar Thijs Zonneveld (nu.nl) vermoed een vooropgezet plan.

Beste meneer Bert,

Het duurde even, maar ik snap het. Ruud van Nistelrooij gaat niet mee naar het WK. Ahem ahem.

Schaarbeweging. [schaar-be-we-ging], de (v). Schijn- of passeerbeweging in het voetbal, die bedoeld is om de tegenstander op het verkeerde been te zetten, waarna hij gepasseerd kan worden.

….

U leest de prachtige column van Thijs hier.

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